Although
Wood outlines several diverse forms and goals of families in Western culture in
her chapter about communication in families, she only chose to describe the
family life cycle of a ‘typical’ American family, whose goal is to produce and
raise children. I have my issues with this move just like Sara has, but I can
appreciate that Wood didn’t have an unlimited amount of space; she couldn’t
possibly have detailed a life cycle for every type of family out there. That
being said, she describes the ‘launching children’ phase of the family life
cycle as “a time of vital change for most families… for parents, this can be an
abrupt change. For the children… this is a time of increased independence and
self-discovery” (Wood, 2012, p. 313). Wood discusses the stresses this can
place on parents, who may not know how to relate to each other without children
to work around, as well as on children, who may find financial and personal
freedom difficult to adjust to.
My
mom and I experienced the launching children phase of the family life
cycle much earlier than either of us expected to. Shortly after my junior year
of high school, my mom had to move to Kansas for a job that could support us
both financially after the company she worked for was shut down. I didn’t want
to transfer schools my senior year, so we worked out a deal with my neighbors
and I lived with them for my senior year. My mom, who’s been a single parent
since my sophomore year of high school, was suddenly faced with the prospect of
finding a house that would not only be completely unfamiliar to her, but also
empty without me there with her. On my end of the equation, I found myself
having to pick up the slack and figure out more things on my own because my mom
wasn’t right there to help me. This doesn’t mean she completely dropped out of
my life; it was simply more difficult to work on college and scholarship
applications when it was all up to me and I didn’t have her to get on my case
and make sure they got done.
Although
this living condition wasn’t ideal for either of us, I’m glad I was able to
learn how to take more responsibility in my life because of it. For my mom, it
was a fantastic way to learn how to let go and push me to be more accountable
for my own finances and emergencies; for me, the pressure I felt at being
expected to figure things out gave me incentive to rely on myself just in case
nobody was around to help me, but that was countered by the fact that I still
had my mom to bounce ideas off of and to be my safety net if I needed help. A
really great example of this is the car fiasco I dealt with at the start of
last spring semester. I had a flat tire and thought, ‘no big deal, I’ll just
ask a friend to teach me how to change a tire.’ That tire WOULD NOT come off
though, even with the WD-40 I bent over backward to find someone to borrow
from. I was calling my mom to give her updates and solicit advice throughout
this entire process, but it was up to me to call the insurance company, figure
out what I had to do, find a trustworthy mechanic, and have my car towed. You
never know what you’re capable of accomplishing if you suddenly have no choice.
L
As much fun as this particular
adventure wasn’t, I sure as heck knew exactly what to do the next time my car
started acting up. As difficult as it probably is for some parents to resist being
helicopter parents and as stressed out as their kids might be at suddenly
having to figure things out for themselves, the launching children phase of
family cycles doesn’t have to be catastrophically abrupt or traumatic. Although
I didn’t find any suggestions from Wood in our textbook for how to navigate
this stage more effectively, I learned at least one trick I think could apply to many
diverse forms of family. If you take smaller, gradual steps such as the ones my
mom and I took when we made my transition into college (we couldn’t really help
the ‘living in different houses situation), both parents and their adult
children who are leaving the house to be independent can breathe more easily.
Works Cited
Wood, J. T. (2012). Interpersonal
communication: Everyday encounters. (7 ed.). Boston, MA: Wadsworth.
Ihad a problem car once...similar to yours, numerous problems, a typical college kids car. I ran into a nice flat tire, actually two at the same time! It was ugly to say the least. I remember the panic of being stranded somewhere on I-80 east, and trying to figure out what to do. I pulled out the phone and called my dad and he did something similar to your mom, just told me to calm down and figure it out. It sucked at the time but I know now that if it ever happens again i will be good to go
ReplyDeleteYou make very good points about the launching phase. I am so dreading that point with my little one, I mean it'll be nice to have more freedom but I can barely stand one day without seeing him let alone the months at a time I'll have to deal with when he goes off to college.
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting to hear how different your "launching children" phase was so different from mine. From what I understand, when your mom left, neither of you had any immediate family members living with you. It was a complete launch, so to speak. I, however, have 3 siblings, so when I left home my family continued to do much of the same things as when I left. I bet it was a much bigger change for your mother when you left.
ReplyDeleteWhoa a problem that not even WD40 could fix!?! Wow! I definitely have some stories of epic car breakdowns and calling my dad for help. He got me AAA pretty early into my driving career:-)I think in part to anticipate these things.
ReplyDeleteOverall great participation on the class blog. I have really enjoyed reading your posts and getting your take on things. Have a great summer!