Relationships
take a lot of work and a major part that influences the satisfaction of the
relationship are words, thoughts, and emotions. These aspects are all very
fluid and interconnected.
Words reflect how partners talk and behave toward each
other as Wood (2012) describes. In communicating this way it can affect the
partner’s self-esteem and overall feeling about this relationship. Words can be
used in positive or negative ways. If one is happy with the relationship
support, interest, agreement, and understanding can be communicated. Although, if one is not happy with the
relationship words are used for criticism, negative statements, mind reading,
and selfish communication. This is demonstrated on Friends through a fight between Chandler, Ross, and Monica. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5qzGhKOurc
They are discussing secrets but one is
always trying to one up the other, the same way in that couples fight. Wood
suggests that when a fight that starts building on negative characteristics
occurs to take the negative comments and use them to build a healthy positive
interaction, where issues can be discussed and forgiveness can be given. The
act of forgiving is very healthy for a relationship, allows for health to be
restored.
The thoughts that we think addresses that we think about
each other and the marriage. These thoughts are shaped by our words and
emotions. The thoughts will differ depending on if the relationship is
satisfying or not. When a relationship is satisfying the thoughts are usually
positive. The things that are positive are attributed to their internal
behaviors and the negative behaviors are attributed to external factors. This
is demonstrated in the clip of the movie He’s
Just Not That Into You http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajQeSp2hGTI.
This
demonstrates the positive attributes that a woman, or her friends, will give a
man that she likes when he doesn’t continue to pursue her. The characteristics
are reversed when the relationship is not satisfying, the negative things are
attributed to their internal behavior and the positive things are attributed to
external factors.
Emotions are the final factor to satisfaction in
relationships. They are affected by words and thoughts. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNZ5NXKtdxs&feature=related
A great example is shown in Pride and
Prejudice as you can see the words that each character are saying somewhat contradict
what one is thinking and feeling but yet they are using the thought process of
continuing to try and one up each other. Emotions can be shaped with what we
say to others and how they respond, as well as communicating to ourselves
through self-talk. An example of this is demonstrated through when a woman
receives flowers from her partner. She will feel much closer to her partner if
she feels her partner bought them out of thoughtfulness and caring instead of
that they were on sale.
As you understand each aspect it shows that every factor
is intertwined with each other. One just automatically flows into another. The
couple type will determine how the factors work together and the satisfaction
they will receive from it.
References
Wood,
J. T. (2010). Interpersonal
communication: Everyday encounters. (7th ed., p 308-309). Boston, MA: Wadsworth, Cengage
Learning.
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