Earlier in
chapter 10, Wood discussed the idea of engaging in dual perspective to maintain
friendships. Now in chapter 11, she brings back the tactic as important to
maintaining romantic relationships as well. Engaging in dual perspective “involves
taking into account the other person’s feelings as well as our own when
interacting” (Wood, 2012). It allows us to get to know the other person better
to help us when communicating with them.
This year,
I saw an example of not engaging in dual perspective between two of my friends
that had begun to hook up. While they had already gotten to know each other
well over the years as friends, when they became romantically involved things
began to change. They guy involved in the relationship was my roommate, and my
other roommates and I could tell that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere
beyond hooking up, or so we thought. The girl in the relationship who was our
good friend thought the relationship was more serious than my roommate did, and
my roommate did a bad job communicating to her that he thought different.
Instead of engaging in dual perspective and seeing her point of view, he kind
of led her on and resumed hooking up with her. When he finally decided he
should tell her his true feelings, the relationship ended in some drama while
the two were intoxicated downtown. Luckily, they got over it and have become
good friends again.
Although my
roommate didn’t view the relationship the same way as the girl did, if he would
have engaged in dual perspective and thought about her feelings, he wouldn’t
have hurt her the way he did by continuing the relationship without being
committed. He could have asked her what she thought about the situation and could
have communicated to her that he felt different than she did. Instead, the
relationship ended in a bad way at first as she felt like she had been used. I
am glad that everything is now back to normal and that they remain friends.
References:
Wood, Julia T. (2012). Interpersonal communication: Everyday encounters. Boston, MA: Wadsworth.
Wood, Julia T. (2012). Interpersonal communication: Everyday encounters. Boston, MA: Wadsworth.
Yea that is pretty lucky, most situations like this don't end as well. We all have learned alot about communicating with people from this class and now its kinda hard to act like we don't know better, ha.
ReplyDeleteAh yes the age old conflict regarding relationship status and goals. Research discusses that it is psychologically more stressful to be the rejector of romantic advances rather than the one who is rejected. It is isn't to say "I'm just not that into you," to a person's face let alone someone that you are friends with. The rejected on the other hand can create a million and one reasons and justifications for the bad behavior. But perhaps if we more actively engage in this dual perspective, we can find ways to competently reject people in a face saving way.
ReplyDelete