Relationships
have so many different aspects that affect them; it is balancing act to ensure the
relationship remains healthy. Along with
balancing the rest of your life, let’s put a great distance between your
significant other and yourself and watch more difficulties arise. Wood (2012)
describes in our textbook three of the greatest problems that arise with long
distance; lack of daily sharing of small events, unrealistic expectations about
time together, and unequal effort invested by partners. These problems do not ruin the relationship for
all couples, as many have made it work. Technology has helped overcome some of
these issues by allowing people to engage over long distances by using cell
phones, Facebook, and video chat.
One
of my past relationships was long distance, I was in Lincoln, NE and he was in
Montrose, CO so that was just a “short” 14 hours apart. It was an adjustment as
we had just spent 5 weeks together on a mission trip and then we get back and
are no longer with each other. We had begun to adjust to the long distance
between us, even though Skype wouldn’t let us connect, when things began to
change and not in a good way. After a
month, hearing from him became very infrequent and didn’t last long when it did
occur. We used to have really good
communication and really enjoyed spending time together, now it was very little
communication and no time together. This began to take a toll on me as I felt
he was not putting any effort into the relationship. I talked to him about this
and we decided it would be best for both of us if we were just friends. After
reading the textbook I can see the unequal effort factor that Wood described as
having a major role in our deterioration.
If
I ever get into another long distance romantic relationship I want to remain
aware that these three problems could arise as Wood talked about. That way I will be able to bring up any of
these topics if they start to show and the problem can end before it becomes a
major issue. Being honest with communication will help solve the issue. As well
as being able to recognize these, instead of ignoring them and pretending
everything is ok, will be key factor of a future beneficial relationship.
Reference
Wood, J. T.
(2010). Interpersonal
communication: Everyday encounters. (7th ed., p. 291-
292). Boston, MA: Wadsworth, Cengage
Learning.
I agree that knowing is definitely half of the battle :) I don't know how many times in the last few weeks I've applied concepts from class to my interpersonal relationships, but... let's just say I've lost count. Something else to consider with long distance relationships is the concepts of achieving closeness through dialogue versus closeness through doing. Women tend to rely more on dialogue to establish closeness, while men rely more on doing. It seemed in your situation here that you were relatively happy with being close to him through communication (which was about the most you could do with 14 hours between you). Maybe he started getting restless when the strain on the 'doing' end of your interactions became more pronounced?
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Lauren... I wish i would have known about the three common issues before i started the long distance thing with my girlfriend...it probably would have saved us a couple hundred arguments or so! I remember feeling some of the same things you talked about in the early days of mine as well
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting that you thought that unequal effort made such an impact too. I wrote that I experienced this, but it seems like there is not much you can do about it. To me, it seems like you either try to make a relationship work or you don't.
ReplyDeleteGood work with paragraph 3! I can definitely relate to your points with this blog. Thanks for sharing!
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