Chapter 12

Diversity of Paths to Commitment

Megan Goeden

     Chapter 12 goes over communication in a family environment and included in these discussions is the topic of commitment. I'm sure it's no surprise to you that the book presents "four distinct routes to marriage" as it is clear that the authors like to make lists. Each path explained in chapter 12 mainly generalizes relationships and I think we would benefit if we could recognize our own. Let's take a look!

1. The first path is taken at a slow and steady pace. Relationships in this trail usually last a great deal of time before any strong commitment is made and it includes its ups and downs, like any other commitment. 
2. The second path is quite the opposite. The "fast lane", as Grandma Sue would call it,  seems to be that "head-over-heels" kind of relationship that I would refer to as a "blinding love". There is no serious conflict here.
3. The third path, which is probably the path that I can relate to the most. This path includes seeing someone for a decent amount of time with a consistently growing amount of affection and interest. This is followed by a "hesitation and rethinking of the relationship", and soon after there is a full commitment that is very binding. I find myself relating to this because I always seem to be rethinking any commitments I make. I find it important to be with someone, knowing that they are a positive aspect in my life. This sort of rethinking seems to really put a strong meaning to relationships, in my opinion. 
4. The final path is one that my close friends like to travel on. This path is somewhat of an emotional roller coaster. Ups and downs and lots of drama, but there is no real answer of commitment or termination of the relationship. This is annoying. Please don't take this path. Please.    

     I am a firm believer in the third path! I rethink my relationships all the time, whether it be between close friends or commitments with guys I talk to. I think it's healthy to take a step back and really see the relationship for what it is. If I don't do this, I'll either catch myself daydreaming in some notebook adding his last name to my first, or complaining to one of my girlfriends about how he is lacking in certain areas. Evaluating the relationship brings me back to earth a little and ultimately keeps things very simple. 

     

     This section of Chapter 12 gave me a little insight on the existing varieties of commitment styles. I enjoyed taking in the perspective of others and in doing so, I can really understand the reasons for certain behavior in my acquaintances. It seems like they've each shown one of these four patterns all along, but I didn't really recognize the tendencies until I gave thought to the patterns themselves. Understanding these aspects of the individuals around us can help build a strong base of communication. If I can completely understand where your words and actions are coming from, there is no real room for conflict between us. :)

Sources:

Wood, J.T. (2012). Interpersonal communication: Everyday encounters (7^th ed). Boston, MA:

           Wadsworth.