cab 4- Maintaining long-distance relationships

Chapter 11- Maintaining long-distance relationships

            One of the four guidelines given by Wood for communicating in romantic relationships is adapting communication to maintain long-distance relationships.  According to Wood (2012), there are three problems that generally strain long-distance relationships.  The first cause of tension is the inability to discuss daily events. Sharing small details about each other’s day makes each partner feel like they are a part of the other’s life.  Without knowing what the other person is doing, a partner could feel distant or lonely.  The second problem that often arises in these relationships is unrealistic expectations of time together.  Sometimes partners feel like they have to take advantage of every moment they are together because they do not see each other often.  The final and, in my opinion, most detrimental cause of tension in a long-distance relationship is having an unequal distribution of effort in the relationship.  This occurs when one person has to put extra effort into a relationship just to keep it going.

            I broke up with my high school girlfriend after experiencing these long-distance relationship problems, and I am surprised how spot-on Wood’s statements are on.  I was set on coming to Lincoln for college, but that meant I would be almost 7 hours away from my hometown and my girlfriend.  We experienced all three of the problems Woods discussed.  It was really hard to talk on the phone and tell each other about our days because I was so busy.  I had 17 credit hours of classes, hockey practice, and poor time management skills just like many other college freshmen.  When I did make it home, she wanted to be with me constantly. I loved seeing her but I also wanted to spend time with friends that I rarely saw and did not call frequently, as well as my family.  As for unequal effort, that was our biggest problem.  I felt like I had to do everything and go out of my way to make things work because I was the one that left.  When I learned that she was not willing to come visit me, even if she could stay with my relatives and we could see a football game, I realized that our long-distance relationship would not work.  I needed more support and effort from her to enjoy our relationship and my college experience.

            Our breakup was for the best, and I am a lot happier and less stressed now that I’m not in a relationship.  However, things could have gone differently if we could have identified these problems and communicated about them better.  She could have understood that me being busy and not calling every day does not mean that I do not care about her.  I don’t blame her for wanting to see me when I was home, but I wish she could have taken a dual perspective a little more often.  I also believe it was not fair that I had to work so hard to keep us together, and that she could have put more effort into seeing me.  On my part, I could have found 5 minutes to call her just a little bit and could have taken a dual perspective in how powerless that she may have felt that I was leaving.  It was definitely a learning experience, and I am confident that I will be much better at communicating in any relationships to come.  

References

Wood, J.T. (2012). Interpersonal communication: Everyday encounters (7^th ed). Boston, MA:

           Wadsworth.