Deterioration
By Hana Mustafa
This chapter Deterioration is the topic that
jumped out at me. The deterioration
process is made up of five-stages: Intrapsychic processes, dyadic processes,
social support, grave-dressing processes, and resurrection processes (Wood, 2013, p. 285) . Intrapsychic processes when either one or
both partners start to feel dissatisfied with the relationship to the point
that the problems along the way are all they see. Dyadic processes are the disintegration
of the relational culture and social support is looking to family and friends
to agree with your decision. Finally the grave-dressing processes is the ending of the relationship and reflecting on it, then the resurrection processes is when the partners move on as individuals.
When I think about the whole deterioration process the
clearest example that comes to mind is my most recent serious relationship with
my ex Aaron. I was pretty happy when we first started dating because he’s a
really sweet guy and I thought that would be perfect for me at this point in my
life, plus I had I crush on him back in high school so it was a long time
coming. But the more time we spent together the more things I started to notice
made us incompatible like our taste in TV shows, him having no real life goals
and the only thing he was passionate about was playing poker. After realizing this I started distancing myself
from him until continuing the relationship just didn’t feel right. I assumed he
would get that I was into us anymore and he assumed things were fine but we
both ended up being wrong.
This theory that Wood talks about is very prevalent in
this particular situation. I ended up discovering that Aaron and I weren’t
intellectually compatible and now I understand that can be an important part of
a strong relationship, at least for me. So now it is obvious that I started the
deterioration processes down to every step. In the future though when I doubt a
relationship I’ll try to use the dyadic processes to openly discuss our issues.
References
Wood, J. T. (2013). Interpersonal
Communication:Everyday Encounters. Boston, MA: Wadsworth.
See Felmlee's musings on fatal attraction. She writes that what initially attracts us to someone is usually what causes the deterioration. We think that opposites attract, but really we prefer people who are compatible to us and complement us in terms of long-term committed relationships.
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