Chapter 9:Orientations to Conflict - Win-Win

When conflicts come into play in interpersonal relationships there are multiple ways in which things can unfold, and paths that the conflict can take. According to Wood(2012) the main pathways conflicts take are lose-lose, win-lose, and win-win. In lose-lose conflict results in in losses for both sides of the conflict and in win-win both sides gain something out of the conflict. With win-lose one side comes out on top while the other loses and that is why I want to focus on it. Wood (2012) talks about how this conflict orientation is rooted in cultures like that of the United States where we focus on things like individualism and competition.

I found this type of conflict orientation especially interesting because I feel like it is pretty common with the people I know, including myself. I am so competitive, strong minded, and extremely stubborn that I would fight and fight for my point of view until the death even in the littlest of arguments. Whether I am arguing where my girlfriend and I should go to dinner or disagreeing with her about what I meant when I called her “crazy” or “fat” I will plead my case and my point of view as hard as I can and she does the same right back at me. A perfect example came up the other day when we she asked me what I thought I wanted to do with my career. I have been studying criminal justice for almost four years now and still have no concrete idea what I want to do with my life. I have an interest in law enforcement but she strongly thinks I should look for something else. She strongly believes that Cops have high divorce rates, are always in the line of fire, and have no time to spend with their families because of awkward shifts. I try to convince her that it is something I can really see myself doing, it is rarely a shoot ‘em up type of job like on TV, and that the hours are just like any other job. We argued and argued back and forth, never giving an inch to the other until finally I gave up and promised her that I would look into some other things, keeping law enforcement as a last resort. She won the argument, convincing me to see her side of things, while I lost, having to give up, at least for now, my “dream” of being a Cop. This is going to affect us now down the road because I feel like if I don’t go with what she “won” in the argument she won’t want to be with me and I will have to walk on egg shells when I go through internships, classes, and in conversations with her on the topic.

If I wanted to get rid of this win-lose orientation in my relationship there are a few things I would need to do. The first thing would be to acknowledge this orientation in our relationship and in a correct context bring it up to discuss with my girlfriend. After filling her in with the information I have learned through the book about why this is bad for us I can bring introduce the win-win orientation.  With that we could explore other solutions and perspectives to the problem together. Like it says in the song “Meet in the Middle” by Diamond Rio “ That if we don't see eye to eye there's something we can do I'd start walking your way You'd start walking mine We'd meet in the middle Neath that old Georgia pine We'd gain a lot of ground Cause we'd both give a little Ain't no road to long When we meet in the middle.”

http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/diamond-rio/meet-in-the-middle-5915.html